Thankfully, that's not all...

the bitterness of brokenness

Life is broken.

Life is tainted.

Life is twisted.

Life is screwed up.

Life is confusing.

Life is stupid.

Life sucks.

And by life, I mean the death that happened to life.

the hijack of Love

There are times when I think that, because of how screwed up I really am, people would be better without me. I don't mean this in a self-pity sort of feel sorry for me way. I mean that honestly, I see my faults and can't imagine how they could possibly benefit others.

What I don't understand is that God has wired me to need people. Probably the single biggest passion in my life is people.

So how does that make any sense? I am created in a way that is meant to relate with people. I am meant to love.

And yet, I can't get past myself in order to do that. I cannot get past the tangled mess of who I am.

I am meant to love. Yes. But not with my love. My love is tainted, broken, selfish, prideful, and twisted.

I am meant to love. Yes. I am meant to love with His love. I am meant to express Him.

But what of this constant struggle to get over myself, to get past myself, to lose myself?

I need His love to hijack my love. I need His love to take over, to capture, to seize my love and drown it.

I want His love to become the love inside my struggling heart.